The Marta Chronicles

I should be working (and working hard) - I know this yet, I am not. It is Friday (yippee!!!) and I've been looking for interesting blogs. I've found a few, I'm in the process of reading/linking them so that I can return for more (I'm greedy like that). I love to read, especially when the reading and ritin', oops - I mean writing (the country in me slipped out) - is so goooood. Or sometimes its not even the writing, its the art. Art speaks just as loud and clear as words.

Did you know there is a difference between being country and being southern? I'll explain later . . . got mo' readin' ta do.

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posted by Darni @ 10/13/2000 04:28:00 PM

I performed a search on my name, just to see what would come up (no, I am not vain -hmph!). Many things popped up but one thing caught my attention - my site, Darni's Den - being listed with Blackgirl International. I received a one star rating out of three. I thought WELL!!!! ya know. In the beginning my site was mostly poetry and short stories . . . and that was about 2 years ago, I think may have been less. Anyway, I'm listed in the poetry section. And one would think that if you see one star, and you are listed in the poetry section, quite naturally you feel that your poetry is receiving a low grade (sob). And that is what I thought.

I followed a link back to the home page and found this explanation: Sites featured on BLACKGIRL INTERNATIONAL are now being ranked with one, two, or three stars. Two stars represent a good, professional Web site with useful content. Three stars represent Web sites that absolutely must not be missed -- and our reviewing staff is reluctant to hand out three stars. Note that sites are ranked based on their professionalism and ease of use, not on their content.. Still my feelings are hurt - no matter how you slice it, I still received a sad face. There are sad faces (one star), straight faces (two stars), and happy faces (3 stars). I got one star. One little star. But at least, I guess I'm still a star. One star is better than no star any day.

OR it could be that I received a low score because I did not link back. Hmmm? Could be . . . or, well - all of my links here don't work like they should . . . that's why . . . yeah, that's it -

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posted by Darni @ 10/13/2000 02:25:00 PM

This morning, I not only witnessed but was involved in showing compassion towards another human being. This morning, the bus driver allowed an elderly woman to ride free of charge. She was standing at the stop on Winn Way, across from Dekalb Medical. The bus stopped and I heard her kind voice say: "I don't have any money but I just came from the hospital. Could I please get a ride to the train station?" The driver hesitated then asked her which train station. I could tell he was debating with himself. I could see that he didn't want to offend any of the patrons by allowing her on the bus but . . . compassion overruled. My heart almost stopped beating. I sat there feeling the need to pay her fare but I did not move. Then it came to me to give her money. I fought off that urge by telling myself that "suppose she doesn't accept my money" then I'll look like a fool . . . suppose the other patrons roll their eyes at me while thinking that it is people like me who encourage beggers. Then I told myself that I only "have $5 dollars" and I'd taken that from my daughter. "But you have a check in your purse," my inner voice pleaded. I had no problem giving her my last $5 but my fear amounted to being rejected because I didn't want her to feel that I was insulting her by making an assumption . . . whatever that would mean. Anyway, I looked at her. No jacket or sweater, heavy bags underneath her eyes but her skin looked so soft. After all of the Druid Hill's Red Devils got off at their stop, I heard the two ladies behind me asking another woman if she had a $1 to exchange for a dollar's worth of change. I turned and asked if they were going to give the woman money and they answered yes. I rummaged through my purse and found the $5 folded perfectly and not hidden (my purse is a mess of change). I asked if I could put my $5 with their money and they said yes. Then another woman volunteered her denim jacket. "Its all I have but I don't have any money on me." One of the women seated behind me went to the lady and gave her the money and helped her with the jacket. The woman turned and said "Thank you. I don't ask people for nothin' no more. I just usually do without, but I thank you." GOD!!!! I had to choke back some major tears. And I knew that God wasn't going to let me off the hook. God knows that the woman needed the $5 more than I (and I need money too but at least I have - ya feel me?). There are compassionate, loving people in the world - black, white, red, yellow and I suppose some of those freaking aliens that keep abducting people mean well too - well, you know that's what I heard (Moulder says the truth is out there - I don't watch the X-File anymore, not after that terrible movie they put out (lol)). Okay, I'm not poking fun at anyone, if you really feel that an alien has abducted you or yours then that is your business. I'm just inserting a bit of comic relief here. Please don't be offended.

Anyway, as much as I rant and rave about people being rude and inconsiderate, this morning I was proven wrong in more ways than one. One of the director's in the office offered me an apology for Mike Polignano's article. I let her know that she didn't have to apologize for him, as if he was her child and he represented the "family." I told her that I wasn't offended by the article. Yes I was angry yesterday but today, I'm glad the editor allowed Mr. Polignano's article to be printed. This tells me who to stay away from, who not to trust, who is most likely to treat me like an animal - but then, hey I've seen photos of people kissing dogs in the mouth and shaking hands with gorillas, so . . . This also tells me that Polignano's views are probably shared by others who are less vocal. I mean, people think whatever they want - but damn it, speak!!! I want to see the smoke first, 'cause I don't want to be trapped inside of a burning house, ya feel me. I realize that people change and according to Mike's article he wants proof that blacks are not 3 times more likely to committ a violent crime (or whatever the stats), I suppose when he receives this proof he'll change his mind, right? Never mind, I know that once something gets into your head, its there and hard to be removed. Mike was bold enough to say what the system was set up to do and what is has always done to people of color - why should I be offended by that? People think this way when you shop at their stores, when you walk in for an interview, when they stand next to you at the bus stop, clutching their purses (I've had this happen to me). I just hope that, after graduating, Polignano's first interviewer with a prospective employer isn't a black man. One would hate to have him reporting to someone "inferior" to himself (nobody likes that - terrible). That's sarcasm folks . . . But I have read the article and I've read the crime report from the website he listed. Still, as I said yesterday, when writing you find reports, stories, papers, articles, books, etc. - to support your thesis and that is what Mike has done. He chose a onesided view, which he strongly believes in, and found "evidence" to support it. Isn't that what we all do? We are taught that type of writing in high school.

posted by Darni @ 10/12/2000 08:39:00 AM

I just picked up my copy of the October 6th issue of The Wheel and will read it on my way home (while I'm relaxing and enjoying the ride). I looked at the article briefly and found a website that the author of this piece, Mike Polignano, has referenced - http://www.amren.com/colrcrim.html. And the book which he references as well written by Arthur Jensen. I don't know - this all scares me. On the one hand, I can almost respect Mike for his honesty. He's probably saying something that many white's believe and discuss when we people of color are not in their presence - then does that make them hypocrites or polite? My anger has changed to sadness. I, unlike Polignano, Jensen and the others who have one sided views and seem to be hell bent on sticking to them regardless, will read this information. Anyone can spend years gathering information and statistics to support a theory, that's something learned when you learn to right essays in high school. But I prefer to know what is being said about "me" and "my people" - whether it is good or bad, fact or fiction.

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posted by Darni @ 10/11/2000 03:20:00 PM

I am an employee of Emory University - the largest employer of Dekalb County, in Atlanta Georgia. And this morning, while preparing for work, I heard about the editorial that appeared in yesterday's copy of the student newspaper, The Wheel. I think the Wheel loves controversy. They seem to make it a point of running ads that offend, printing editorials that are offensive too. BUT, that is freedom of speech, even if it borders on defamation of character or slander - I suppose. I haven't read the article. I will pick up a copy today. I just finished speaking with my supervisor who is pretty upset because this paper represents the institution and this institution desires to be viewed as diverse, accepting of people based of character AND INTELLECT.

The article stated that blacks are intellectually inferior to whites. This isn't new news, many whites have believed this long before this editorial was printed - why do you think we were enslaved and treated like barn yard animals (some of these believers have been scientists - remember The Bell Curve)? In fact, the writer of this editorial probably gathered his supporting information from a few of these books and scientists. My supervisor seems to think that I was terribly offended, and hurt by the article. I have allowed her to think that. But I am not great offended. I'm just curious. And I like when racist's views are exposed, uncovered - this allows me to continue watching my back. I don't like smiling faces that belong to men and women who are pretending to like me but I guess that's the world we would like, for people to at least be polite. But, let the honesty roll. I mean, black men don't have a problem defaming women with certain names and images, why should we as a race get upset because someone writes that we are inferior to them, intellectually that is? Racism and sexism is basically the same thing. Its okay for the world to call women inferior, second class citizens, whores, sluts, stank ass bitches, hoochies, tricks, ball and chain . . . but when a white man calls another black man nigga! people of color, in particular, want to hold their breathes then explode. I don't want men calling me names and I certainly don't want white people conjuring up images about my people that are not true. But I say expose the racists (and sexist people). That way I am not trapped. I say speak your views - yes, this article will probably hurt my feelings, knowing that someone really thinks this bothers me. But I would rather know who the perp is rather than have him walking around smiling in my face, being polite - then as soon as I turn my back he's stabbing me. Then I have to decide whether I should trust ANY white people. No it is much easier if we allow these people to speak or write their confusion - this way I know to stay back. It is good that he is allowed to voice his opinion, with ink on paper and have it distributed to the masses. Perhaps a reader will enlighten him or, educate him so that he will not committ personality suicide which might manifest into something more serious in the future (increased ignorance).

I was also shocked to hear so many "minority" students say things like "oh, I thought we were past this sort of thing" or "I put up with this type of attitude in high school, didn't expect to find it here." Well where did you think it went, down the drain? Do you not pay attention to what is going on around you? How naive and comfortable young men and women have become. But that is what a smiling face will do to you. It will rock you, lull you, rub your aching brow, make you relax - then once you've succumbed to the trance, reality sets in. MTV's real world is a joke compared to the REAL WORLD. And any student, any human being of color who believes that this mentality, this way of thinking is "high school" needs a reality check. And the article which appeared in The Wheel is the wake up call that many of us need. Just because you are "accepted" doesn't mean that you will be believed, doesn't mean that you won't have to constantly prove yourself over and over again. You are always going to have to be in the hot seat - when you walk into a store you're gonna have to prove you are not there to steal, when you are walking behind a white woman you are going to have to prove you are not going to rob or rape her - how this is done, I've not a clue - cause you can't change a persons way of thinking within that instant. That's how the system has been set up, nobody has done anything to dismantle it and it may not be possible in this day and age but it has been chipped.

This sort of mentality has infected our society for years - it is there and ain't going nowhere. What could possibly make you think that it just disappeared over night or that because you are surrounded by folks calling themselves intellectuals that they view you as an equal. Come on, there are educated fools in the world too. Could your comfort come from that fact that you have a few white friends? All white people aren't bad nor are they all good. Every race, nation, even religion has its problems. But it amazes me that white people feel so comfortable pointing out the problems, or what they perceive as problems, of other people. I mean, if you'd like we could say that white males are the most violent, irrational men on the planet. Serial killers and child molesters are always profiled as white males. Look at the man who shot up the Buckhead firm last year - killed his wife and children, or the two males who killed the teacher and students in Arkansas a few years back and lets not forget Columbine, what about the three white males, recently, calling in bomb threats to their own high schools or the two who stole a car, took a joy ride through the neighborhood destroying mailboxes for no reason at all. What about the white men in South Africa who picked up a black man, beat him until he defecated on himself then forced him to eat it. Oh yeah, the white males in Las Vegas, one raped and killed the little black girl one watched, while the other performed. And we'll never forget the senseless, ugly murder of Matthew Shepard. No. But I'll stop 'cause the average white male is nothing like that . . . this would be called stereotyping and, uhm that's . . . wrong, right?

Now I'm angry. The more I write the more pissed I become. But we, blacks, browns, reds and yellows and all that in between tip toe around everything. Because in our culture it is called polite, common courtesy and decency - a reflection upon self and family. And we ask for the same respect. I'm still confused how stereotypes are born into this world. We call things old wives tales and brush them aside but what about stereotypes? Why won't they go away? What . . okay I'm rambling now. I'm going to stop because my chest is hurting and I realize that I'm angry and it shouldn't be this way. One of the directors here just walked up to me and told me to breath - so even she sees the transformation I've made - just that quick. I think I'll hold off on reading that article. Its not important to my survival or to who I am and what I want to be, how I want to live . . . or is it?

posted by Darni @ 10/11/2000 09:17:00 AM

MARTA, why doesn't the #8, #75, and #125 run on Sundays? I mean, Atlanta is supposed to be a major city now but half of the buses don't even run past 9pm Monday-Friday and then there are those that don't run on Sundays. There are people who work on Sundays, there are people who go out on Sundays and take buses as well. The reason I'm speaking about this, or rather writing it, is because my daughter's friend's mother was stranded at Avondale yesterday. It was freezing cold. Everyone knows that the buses and trains run slow on Sundays so she didn't think much of it when other buses came and went, came and went. Then she checked the board and found that the #125, which would have taken her, and her two children home, was not running at all. They walked (on sidewalks that don't exist of course) to my home and my brother-in-law drove them to Northlake. Of course, they could have taken the #30 (I think) but that's waaaaaaay on the other side of town. They would have had to go to 5 points, transfer to the north bound station . . . it would have taken about 2/3 hours for them to get home. The buses in question, pass by malls and other shopping areas. It just doesn't make sense that a mass transit company ceases to function on a Sunday. Why? It can't be because there are no patrons. This city is growing very fast and I have noticed that many of the people who would like to ride Marta but do not are from the north or from other countries. They don't seem to mind using Marta but from what I've been told, Marta - the system is more of an inconvenience, especially on Sundays.

My sister finally purchased a car because she was tired of having to wait on taxis to take her to work (and pick her up) on Sundays or she had to go to another train station, go all around Decatur before ending up at the Mall which is up the street from us. And in most cases if she had to work past 7pm, there was no bus in the area. So she's driving out of necessity and convenience.

On another note, I have a friend who's married. He cheats like hell on his wife. I feel guilty about it. But he's not mine. She knows he's a dog and he'll tell you that he's a dog. "I just love a variety of pussy," is his excuse. Well, we became friends because we work together. And he's always around - especially when I needed someone to talk to and not really care about how they felt about me. He's so down in the dirt that nothing you can say will shock him. So when I was having problems with my relationship, he was always there with good advice (believe it or not). Plus, he's an officer and did some detective work for me (lol). Anyway, no matter how much I try to tell him his infidelity is wrong (and he knows this) it goes in one ear and out the other. Just now he calls me at work to see how I'm doing. I have caller ID here and the number wasn't his cell or home number. He was calling from a "friend's" house. While I was telling him that I didn't feel very well, all of a sudden I hear him moaning and groaning. I stop in mid stream of my sentence and ask him what's he doing. "I'm not doing a thing, its what she's doing to me." FUCKING BASTARD!!!! It pissed me off that he'd call me at work while someone's screwing him or sucking his pig in a blanket. I told him: "Well, call me when you're done and can indulge in a real conversation. I don't want to hear this shit!" The word "okay" barely makes it out of his mouth - comes out very breathy. I slam down the phone. Damn! sometimes he's so cool. I guess that's the part his wife Debbie is holding on to (she's no angel either). I've told him that they both deserve each other. And when she scratches him, kicks his ass, I don't even feel sorry for him. He makes me sick. He keeps saying he's not happy with his wife but its cheaper to keep her. They have three children. . . I don't know why I'm writing this. Perhaps his life needs a blog of its own. I've been considering writing a book about him - but it would probably be considered pornography. He started having sex when he was 11. And he's in his forties now.

posted by Darni @ 10/09/2000 09:29:00 AM